Maaike Asselbergs

I am 76. I have several chronic conditions, including heart arrythmias since early childhood, celiac disease, essential tremor disorder, and congenital GI dysfunction, which necessitated a colostomy in my forties. I am scheduled for major surgery to repair extensive abdominal herniation, resect my bowel and to create a new colostomy.

After waiting seven months, I recently saw a new cardiologist. To make the most of the time, I prepared a one-page summary of relevant medical data. Her approach conveyed that she saw me as an anxious old woman. Questions or information I tried to bring forward were dealt with in a challenging and dismissive fashion. She interrupted me repeatedly, causing relevant information to be missed. She offered a few helpful perspectives but did not glance at the one pager until I asked her to, then offered only a critical comment. I left upset, disheartened and feeling disempowered. She later mischaracterized a key aspect of our exchange in her report, risking me being stigmatized in my future care, and did not respond to my request to have it corrected.

The appointment with my GI surgeon stood in stark contrast, because of the respectful tone of our exchange, the time he took to discuss and describe options, and the questions asked of me. He enabled me to make an informed decision. He read the one pager and found it helpful. His approach engendered trust.

These recent experiences brought the reality of aging with chronic conditions into sharper focus. I have enjoyed the relative luxury of consistently being taken seriously, in life and work, but what I experienced as so patronizing and disrespectful from the cardiologist made me feel unsafe and angry. The interaction with the surgeon, in contrast, built trust and confidence that I am in good hands, that if anything arises it will be dealt with and I will be heard. That helps me feel safer, less vulnerable. It is hard enough to live this aging chapter with a health care system that is fractured and siloed, in which, for example, Ontario policy allows family physicians to address only one health issue per (brief) appointment. We seem to do better in diagnosing the complex problems of old cars than we do in dealing with aging humans who have multiple health issues.

Rita Hisar ‘Beads of Hope’

I am luckier than many, in that I generally know how to navigate my health care, have a great family doctor, recognize harm risks and know what I need to feel and be safe. However, as I age, I feel increasingly vulnerable and concerned about my safety in health care. I have a care partner by my side, but I also need health care providers and policymakers to be more mindful about how to better serve the growing older population without bias and prejudice. We may look our age, but most of us have working brains, lots of experience living in these bodies of ours, and much to contribute to preserving our own health.

Maaike Asselbergs
6 July 2026